I said many months ago that this post was coming and here it is.
I found I gained a bunch of followers after one day posting a picture and using hashtags relating to divorce, co-parenting and modern families.
Now if you found me or this blog because of those things just know this will not be one of those written out of anger and hatred and there may be some hard truths laid out along the way… you have been warned. Also, if you are thinking “she doesn’t know what she is talking about” let me just stop you there. At no point will I claim this is easy but these words come after more than 8 years of living it. In fact my ex-husband may even be reading this (hey B!).
Okay, back to business and since I am known for being blunt, this first part will come out as such. If you are reading this and going through a divorce where no children are involved my words are quite simple… cut your losses, cut your ties and move on. Do you know what dwelling on things you can’t change gets you? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Time on earth is short and you are wasting it. As I have been known to say: “You will never see what’s in front of you if you are always looking down.” Now if you run one of those pages that gets followers by bashing ex’s I’m sorry for this very hard truth. Maybe throw in some positive messages every once in a while.
Moving on, now if children are involved my message is kind of the same but much more sympathetic. You don’t have the luxury of cutting you ex out of your life and learning to co-parent through all the bullshit will be the hardest thing you will ever do as a parent but over time it does it easier if you remember one golden rule- The Child(ren) Come First!!! Is this easy? Absolutely not! I know it has taken my ex and I more than 8 very long years to get to this point and hope we can stay here, if not get better. Of course there are going to be times we don’t agree and times we don’t communicate (there is a reason we are not married anymore) but as long as both parties are willing to work on it for the sake of the child(ren) you will eventually get there. When you hold on to all that anger and resentment and waste so much energy trying to hurt the other person you really only end up hurting the one(s) that truly matter, the child(ren). And I mean ALL the children! As you know I remarried and we had HR. My ex also remarried and his wife came with two of her own plus they have their own arriving very soon. The road hasn’t always been smooth but we have become one big modern family. My ex is one of HR’s best buddies, I am very involved with my ex’s step children and don’t think for one second I won’t be spoiling that new little baby. She is going to be an extremely loved little girl from all of us. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for all of these kids or to keep our big modern family functioning. I even have a positive relationship with my ex’s wife. If ever one of us can’t be somewhere we text each other updates about whatever we are missing. Sounds like some made up bull, right? Well it’s not. It’s plain and simple 8+ years of VERY hard work but at the end of every single day it is worth it for these amazing kids, all of them.
So if you are one of those that can’t seem to get out of their own way for the sake of your child(ren) please take some time to think about it. The alternative of one big happy modern family is so much better…