There comes a time in every girls life where they think about dating. For my teenage daughter that day came and for a while we have been able to hold it off, but I am fully aware the day is coming. I am not dumb and I know what I did when I was her age, or about her age, and just like most parents I want better for her.
So here is my new plan, transparency.
Now just because I use the word “transparent” does not mean I plan on telling her EVERYTHING, but it does mean that I will try to teach her from my mistakes. Plus, if I can treat my life as an open book on this page here, I should be able to do the same with raising her.
So, here it goes…
To My Teenage Daughter,
I know right now you feel like you are missing out on something. You think we are being unfair and keeping you from life experiences but in fact, we are trying to give you time to grow. Dating is so much different now. I have seen what has tried sliding into your DM’s, and that my friend was never an option or an idea when I was your age. I also know that you are very smart, too smart, so I’m going to lay this out for you the best I can.
Now that we have that established… there have only been four relationships in my life my memory has held on to. Only four!
There was my first actual high school boyfriend. We’re talking driving me to and from school, giving me his letterman jacket, being there to try and save my neighbors life and then eventually flipping my life upside down with a nasty rumor that challenged my strength at a very young age. Honestly, much younger than I should have been to deal with something like that but that is all I am willing to say to you about that right now. Seriously, another story for another day. All you need to know is that I am a tough cookie that doesn’t break easily, clearly where you get it from. He may have tried to reappear later in life and there may have been some memorable moments but this is the spot he remains to stay.
Then there was this one relationship when I was 19/20. It was…. Intense. First love kind of stuff but definitely young love. We lived together at my parents for over a year but since you exist and he is not your father, you know how this story ends. You can also know that this is all I will ever say about it. I haven’t seen him in 16-ish years and it’s more of a story for the memory books than for the public. This is actually all I have spoken of him in all these years and will remain that way after this. Some things you do just keep to yourself even if you write a blog… about romance (go figure).
Then there is your father…
As you know, I refuse to speak to you about any negative relationship with him and certainly won’t start now. The internet is forever and I very much keep that in mind where he is concerned. All you need to know is that you and your brother are very loved by us and were very wanted. Just like I often say “the best souvenirs”.
Last but certainly not least, the absolute love of my life, my other half… your S. Dad. He’s it. He’s the one you wait for, he’s the one you wish for. He’s my greatest supporter, he encourages me to be me, he is my strength in those rare moments I am weak, his love is unconditional and knows no bounds… unless it’s early in the morning and lacrosse sticks fall out of the cabinet when he’s trying to pack his lunch. We’re all human and have our moments (haha). Yet he is still the one to hug me when I am freaking out because I spent money on myself and will tell me how ridiculous I am being. He will work as hard as he can to give me the world (without me asking) and make my dreams come true. Most of all, his love for you and your brother, children not biologically his, melts me to the core. He also gave us HR. He’s the one this whole dating journey is about. Yes, if I had taken a different path we may not be here, but we are and it’s exactly where I am meant to be.
With that said, your S. Dad came along so much later. And before you argue, yes I knew of him long before but he didn’t count until much later on. And for your other argument that I can see coming, yes I did date much more than just these four but if only these four make the list then what does that tell you?
The biggest lesson I can teach you from all this is to slow down. Live your life with hobbies, sports and friends that bring you nothing but happiness. Also, know that no ones story is the same but this is mine and this is what I can teach you from it.
So stop trying to rush things, girl. You have all the time in the world.
Love you muchly,
Your Kick Ass Mom